What kind of companionship does a lady you know nothing about offer for the discerning gentleman with an excess jasmine bitcoin wallet cash? I mean, besides the obvious. Hey, why can’t I vote on comments?
Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! Like any good artist, I have a preferred medium. Some artists work best in oil, some in watercolor, some with sculpture, and others with photography.
My medium seems to be debauchery, and I can mold it like an old sticky-fingered pro. I Googled some things, got sleepy, woke up the next day, and had an idea — prostitution. Before you get all giddy, I didn’t sell myself for this article, but I am aware of a handful of truisms — there are escorts everywhere, and they all advertise themselves as offering companionship. This would be no more about sex than the orgy was. Where do you find an escort these days? I’ll spare you the deception of pretending I had no idea. What am I, a guy who doesn’t know where to find escorts?
I work on the Internet. You find them on the Internet. I suppose there are still women working street corners out in the world, but that seems far more tragic to me than escorts operating online, and I didn’t want to be a part of that. I suppose we should establish now my ethics on this matter, because surely some will disagree — I am not against prostitution. Absolutely — fuck that shit right in its ear. However, I feel that if an adult woman who is in control of her own life wants to charge money for sexual services, it’s not a lot different from anyone else charging for massage services, or to be a clown at your birthday party, except the balloon animals are way more fun.
They have an ability others are interested in that they have monetized. If that upsets you, it’s probably because you have an issue, not them. Naturally, I’m opposed to human trafficking, sex slavery, underage prostitution, violence, and substance abuse, but I really believe a person can sell sex and not be involved in any of that, just as you can be a pot smoker and maybe not be involved in Mexican drug cartels, the beheading of civilians, organized crime, robbery, and meth-related buggery. I smoked weed and now I’m going to break into your house and fill your sugar jar with feces! Anyway, there are any number of websites you can go to that will give detailed lists and ads for escorts working in your area, depending on the size of the city you live in. As it happens, my city has hundreds of them. How do you pick the right one?